I'm officially off bed rest, but still pregnant and laying around mostly. I'm up more than I had been, but my energy level is really low, makes me a little nervous because how am I going to have the energy to get through delivery? I also have a cold; sinus headache, cough and the ear congestion. It sucks so badly. I'm taking Sudafed and Tylenol during the day and Benadryl at night. I usually try not to take meds when I'm pregnant, but I have to breathe and think. I have more contractions in the evenings. Both Monday and Tuesday night, Jim timed contractions. There were a couple really hard ones that I thought meant something, but they stopped. I think, okay, I'm going to get up and walk around make these contractions keep going. And then I chicken out, because more contractions hurt and they mean that I will soon be pushing a baby out of my vagina. I know, I know, she has to come out somehow and I don't want a C-section. But I'm freaking out about it just a little. I've done it twice before, I know I can do it. But I'm freaking out just a little.
My mom was moved from the hospital to a hospice center on Monday. It is a lovely place, Mom's room is a small suite, her room looks like a nice hospital room and there is a sitting room attached with a fold out couch. We took the guys out of school yesterday to see her. We'd thought about going after school, but it seemed like Mom has been more alert in the morning most days and mornings are much better for me. Driving up there I knew it was the last my boys were going to see my mom before the funeral. Even if she goes another week and even if Little Miss is born it time, I'm not going to take the guys again. I cried a couple times on the hour drive up. And walking in the center and knowing this is the last place my mom will see, it's almost too much.
My mom had had a rough night before thrashing and asking for Dad. Dad was in the next room. The nurse woke him and he sat beside Mom. They gave her some more Morphine. She said something about being all alone. Dad stayed in the chair next to her the rest of the night even though she didn't wake again during the night. There are French doors between the two rooms. We could sit on the couch and watch her breathe. She was snoring, she's always snored. She wasn't wearing her little hat, just grey fuzz covered her head. Dad took the guys to the play room. He was adamant he didn't want them to sit and watch her breathe. He wanted Mom to see them, but he didn't want to wake her and didn't want her struggling to breathe to be their only memory of her. Jim went to the play room with them. Dad came back. My sister, JJ was there as well as Auntie Faye and my brother Duff's wife came soon after. She is due in July so we sat there with our big bellies. Dad was very concerned about me, he was mad at Jim for not dropping me off at the door. He said just because the doctor said I could be up and around didn't mean I should walk more then necessary. Dad kept telling me to sit down. Mom's youngest brother and his wife came later in the morning.
We all sat around and talked, sometimes about Mom sometimes about other things, it felt very surreal. Mom started waking up and I went in to talk to her. I could barely hear her. She wanted the door close, Dad said no. The nurses, who were wonderful, came in to move her around to prevent bed sores. She went back to sleep. The nurse said she would give her Morphine to keep her comfortable. Before they could, I brought the guys in. She opened her eyes, and smiled just a little at them. They told her they loved her and said good bye. Dad said it was time for them to go. The nurse gave her more Morphine. I don't think she opened her eyes again yesterday.
Jim took the guys to get new dress pants and to Mc Donalds. Duff's wife went to her sister's house. JJ, Dad, and Faye went for lunch. I stayed with Mom and my uncle and aunt and watched Mom breathe. Jim has been just amazing through all this. I can't imagine doing this without him. After they finished shopping and eating, he picked me up (at the door) and we went a little out of our way home to bring Mom's wig to the beautician who has done Mom's hair for years to trim it just a little. Mom told me on Saturday the bangs were too long and I told her I would take it to Barb and have her fix it.
Lu drove the three hours to the biggish city to the north after work yesterday to spend the night with Mom. I talked to her this morning, it was a rough night. Mom is rasping now. The nurses don't think it will be much longer now. Not today, but probably this weekend. I told Lu I was going to call my doctor and ask if I could go back on the medicine to stop the contractions and try to keep Little Miss in until we get through this. Dad called soon after I talked to Lu. He asked me not to take the medicine, to let God decide when she is born. When is sister died two years, AJ had her son two days later and it was a good thing. It made him feel better that as one life was leaving another was coming. Please let God decide, it's part of life. Of course, I will respect my father's wishes.
No comments:
Post a Comment