The heroine being me. When we last left me, now that's an odd sentence, I was in my sister's car heading home for 3 1/2 weeks of bedrest, bawling my eyes out. My sister, JJ, is not emotionally demonstative in ordinary situations. Of course, finding out your mother was incoherent and may stay that way is not ordinary. But JJ was going to be giving a talk to a roomful of undergrads in less than an hour, she could not break down. When she does breakdown, it takes her a lot longer to put herself back together. She has since apologized for letting me cry alone in her car without even hugging me, but I understood even then. JJ and I are very different, but I know her, don't always understand her, but I know her. She is almost exactly 12 months younger than me, she is part of almost all of my childhood memories.
JJ and I went back to my house. We had lunch then she went to her talk. And the longest weekend of my life started. When JJ was on bedrest, I remember thinking how lovely it would be to be told, "Stay put, don't get up, just lay there." I was very wrong. It is so frustrating to see what needs to be done and not able to just get up and do it! Plus, my house is a split foyer, you walk in the door and have to choose, seven steps to go upstairs or seven steps to go downstairs. Upstairs is the guys room, a bathroom with bathtub, the living room (with no couch) and the kitchen. Downstairs is our bedroom, our bathroom with the only shower, family room with the good TV and couch and the laundry room with the extra fridge. I can go up and down the stairs twice a day, so I have to choose, kitchen or couch. And if I forget something downstairs, I'm without it! My guys did a nice job of helping me out, but they had their own agenda that mostly involved their DSs. I think bed rest would be frustrating anytime, but combined with my mom being sick it was horrible.
I had asked my doctor if I could go see my mom, I promised I would lay back in the car and then just stay in the recliner in her room. My doctor gave me the go ahead. After all, if I did go into true labor, my doctor would send me up to the biggish city to the north where Mom was hospitalized. Sure, Mom was in the other hospital, but I had faith Jim could get me to my hospital pretty quickly!
Sunday morning I made my first trip upstairs. Obviously, I wasn't going to church and Jim is not a big fan of going without me so he slept in. My plan for the day included finishing the lesson plans for the sub for the rest of the year (that's fun), dropping them off at school and make a few copies for the sub, then heading up to see my mom. But the dishes were driving me insane, so would get up, do a couple dishes, then sit down with my feet up for 30 minutes. Not exactly what the doctor ordered, but close!
Then my dad called me. Again, very unusual. Mom was about the same he told me, still not really talking, or rather not making sense. Dad also told me to stay home. He wanted me not to come see Mom, the room was small, there was no place for me to lay down and Mom wouldn't know I was there. He told me to stay home and do what I could to keep my baby safe. He was right, I knew that. But I hung up and cried, really hard. I tried to contain myself, I knew crying that hard was not good for me, but stopping was not possible. I actually went back to the sink washed the rest of the dishes while I bawled. Not what the doctor ordered, but I couldn't sit still.
When I calmed down, I laid down and called my sister Peg to tell her I wouldn't be going to see Mom. Peg was wonderful, she understood that I was upset, but she agreed with Dad. Her reasoning was the last thing Dad needed was one more thing to worry about. I realized, it was hard for Mom when she was in labor with my youngest sister and nearly died, but that was Dad's experience too. He thought he had lost them both and would go home to six motherless children. He never talks about it, he doesn't talk about emotional stuff ever, but it was his life too. He did not need me risking anything. I don't think it would have been in risk, but I had to honor his wishes. So I stayed home.
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