Workin hard for what?

I taught all day (well, 72% of the day) Thursday and Friday and then worked at Target from 4:30 to close (I was on the floor, so we close at 11, I don't get out until 11:30 to 12:30 depending on the mess and if we have to change the signs). I really don't mind either job, I tend to enjoy my time more often than hate it at both. Although there are points of wishing away the day at both. But I've had much worse jobs, I've also had jobs I've enjoyed more, but they aren't too bad.

But, oh my, can those hours make a mess of my house! Old Man is trying harder than he used to, but when I went back to school on Wednesday the house was mostly picked up, not truly clean, but I could open the door to company with only a little embarrassment. But Saturday morning I got up to a house where there were few, if any, calm places to lay my eyes. That is so disheartening to me. In my mind, I know I can't do everything, and I would rather sit and cuddle with my kiddos during my few hours off this weekend. But no, I spent most of the day cleaning Saturday, then worked 5:30 to 12:30. Today the guys had a wrestling tournament which took most the day. I spent a good portion of the evening cleaning, organizing, and folding the laundry I washed yesterday. I still feel behind, sigh.

A little catch up

I should provide a little info on my world as of now. We eventually sold our house in the Midwestern college town I loved. We planned on moving to Minneapolis, but alas, found no jobs. That was all sorts of fun, let me tell you. So, for about six weeks, we lived with my mother-in-law. Yes, my three children, husband and I lived with his mother who has lived alone for over 20 years, no stress there at all. Old Man was able to pick up a couple classes at the community college he'd taught at before and I subbed. It was a bit of a blow to the self esteem for both of us. I'd been quite confident, to the point of cocky, that I'D get a teaching job in MN, of course I would and it would pay so much better and be just wonderful! To walk back into my old school and get paid less to sub took a big swallow of the pride. But I did it and found subbing could be fun. Although subbing in a kindergarten room the second week of school was a lot of work! Those early elementary teacher work hard for their money! Give me 8th grade English any day!

A little more than a month into the school year, my brother called. He teaches adaptive pe in the largish city to the south. One of his middle school students was having a very hard time transitioning to the middle school. So hard the district was considering hiring a new teacher. Our sister, J.J., is an occupational therapist and she also knew the student. They both encouraged me to apply. I'd applied at his school district a couple times before, and had never even gotten an interview, but really had no other options, so I applied. And I got the job.

So, we moved in with J.J. and her family. Four adults and six kids ages 11 down to 1 in one house. An adventure of another sort! Although it went better than I'd have guessed. She knew someone who knew someone with a house to rent.

We are now renting a house about 8 blocks from her.  I'm teaching self-contained special education teacher with a 72% time contract so I am done (almost) every day by 2 and bringing home slightly more money a month than last year. Old Man is on his winter break, but starting January 15th he will be teaching three classes as well as tutoring writing. Still no benefits or security, but it's something. I started a seasonal job at Target(!) in November. In addition to a little extra cash, I get a 15% discount on all the crap I probably would have bought anyway. I told my kiddos, if you can't buy it at Target, don't bother asking for it for Christmas! They just asked me to stay on a couple days a week. I said yes, because who really wants to sleep anyway.

Kiddos have done really well with the transition. Me too, most the time. But I really miss my friends, especially those I could talk books with, and my job. I don't hate either of my current jobs, but I don't love them either. I really hope I can get back to an English classroom at some point!

Let's hear it for resolutions!

I'm going to blog, like regularly. I swear. I figure it is a resolution I just may keep as I've already had 2 (or 3) glasses of wine today, my supper involved copious amounts of bacon and Old Man and I haven't had "the money talk", so I've failed on my other resolutions in the first 24 hours of the day. I have managed to be kinder to my hubby although not to my kiddos. Just ask them, I took away their computers, again. They get them back tomorrow, but we are instituting a "pay to play" system which involves them completing household tasks in order to earn screen time. GASP! I know, I am horribly cruel, aren't I.

I do intend to eat better this year. My oldest sister, Lu, is still in the hospital after a major scare with her pancreas, in truth I'm not sure her pancreas is officially doing what it is suppose to be doing so she is still technically in a major scare. But she is no longer on a vent or dialysis and there is serious talk of her going home after more than a month in the hospital. So she is recovering.
But that does leave me as a 37 year old (yikes! had a birthday last month) with one sister in her late 40s recovering from pancreatitis and one sister who died of pancreatic cancer in her mid 40s. And there is more family history of pancreas issues. Little sister, Jill, and I are thinking of making t-shirts, "Save the Pancrei!" we've decide "pancrei" is the plural of "pancreas" rather than the mundane "pancreases". I will be eating better, maybe even exercising and I've started drinking less. Just a glass of wine here and there, going several weeks in December without a single drink.

My eating better resolution succumbed to the tradition of black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Of course that didn't exactly work out either. I have a lovely casserole recipe that mimics "Hoppin' John" and provides the needed black eyed peas for good luck in the new year. Not that I believe in all that jazz, really I don't I simply make the recipe once a year on New Year's Day, 'cause I like it, I mean you start by frying some bacon then sauteing onion and green peppers in the bacon grease. How could that be a bad thing for anything but your heart, and possibly your pancreas. But when Old Man went to the grocery, they were out of black eyed peas. So I made it with navy beans. It tasted pretty good. I told the kiddos the first time I made this was 2001 for their Grandpa Fred, Old Man's dad. He really liked it. Old Man remarked maybe we should stop making it as Grandpa Fred died in 2001. Interesting point...

And the world smiles with you

I am usually a pretty upbeat person.  I've always been relatively laid back, well, that doesn't completely describe it.  I am hyper sometimes and sensitive most the time.  And I have dealt with depression which is its own monster. But my mode of operation is generally positive.

I remember thinking in high school being positive wasn't cool, too Pollyanna.  So I tried to down play it.  When someone asked how I was doing, I'd say, "Tired," or "Bored".  During study hall, I was sitting with a new student.  I went to a small school, around 75 students per grade, it was the consolidation of four small  farm towns, the school was literally in the middle of a corn field.  We didn't have many new students and this girl was something altogether different.  She moved there from Chicago to live with a relative, aunt or grandma, to get away from the gangs.  Well, that was the story told around town, this was also when "Fresh Prince" was on TV so who knows.  So she sat down next to me a couple weeks into her stay, and asked how I was.  I responded with tired or something along those lines and she said I must have a hard life because whenever she asked how I was, the answer was negative. I realized that was NOT who I wanted to be.  Because I really am a generally happy person, it wasn't hard to make the change.

Even in the midst of really hard times, when someone asks how I'm doing, I generally say, "Peachy".  Although, sometimes I have a bit of an ironic tone to it.  But I'm not lying, I am doing peachy, good enough, can't complain.  Well, I usually can complain about something, but why bother, doesn't help.  Okay, I do complain more than I wish I did, but I'm trying! 

And, I try to avoid lying, even white lies.  I certain fall short of that one, but I try.  When my kids ask a questions, I try to be truthful to the degree they are ready for it. We do have Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but when they question it, I tell them the truth.  I resigned from my position before having a new job because signing a contract I did not intend to fulfill felt like a lie and I wasn't comfortable with it.

But all this, this move with no set plans, no job offer, no certainty, this sucks.  I'm starting to have a really hard time being upbeat. People are so nice, and maybe nosy, in our small town, almost anytime I go somewhere I run into a friend, or church member, or a parent of one of my former students, and they always ask how things are going and if we have jobs yet.  And it is driving me nuts!  I really do think most people mean well, but I'm really starting to wish I'd signed my contract and just looked for jobs without saying anything!

I am trying though, trying to look at the good, anticipate the journey, and appreciate what I do have.  Even if I do go nuts in the process.

As you like it

"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts" - ( Quote Act II, Scene VII). 
 Shakespeare

Or as my minister put it a couple weeks ago, "Life is all about the comings and goings."

Well, we are exiting or going or however you want to put it.  We are moving from my beloved small college town to the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area.  I resigned from a job I LOVED because I could no longer afford to work there.  For the past four years, since finishing his Masters, Old Man has been teaching as an adjunct professor at several different private and community colleges.  He has been applying and applying for full time work all over this area it hasn't been happening.  So I have been carrying the family insurance on my (very expensive) work plan.  

Things were fiscally tight, but okay.  Then came The Year - when my sister and mom had cancer, and extended family members kept dying and I was on bed rest with baby girl. (It was actually about 18 months, but I think of it as The Year.)  Anyway, we were not terribly careful with our money during that time.  We ran up credit card debt flying out to see my sister and on quick meals and such.  OM had a better paying visiting instructor job for a time, we paid off some bills, but also spent more than we should have, figuring his salary would only go up.

It didn't.  He actually had a 75% pay cut at the beginning of the school year.  He found another adjunct position, but it didn't make up the whole salary and he was working a ton more.  Second semester, he was working less, and getting paid less.  Things got really tight.  

Then the final blow came. I got my contract for next year.  I would be getting a roughly $600 a year raise, but insurance would be going up 15%.  For full family that is about $125 a month, more. Insurance on my husband and three children, with a $2000 deductible would be nearly $1000 a month.  I cannot get paid less.

So I resigned, put our house on the market, and started applying for jobs.  It's been about six weeks since we made the decision, and nothing much has changed.  House has not sold, no new job for either of us, I shouldn't say nothing has changed.  The stress level, she keeps going up!

Palm Sunday

Yesterday our church service was beautiful. It really was. The choir, bell choir and a group of local musicians performed a bluegrass mass. It was unusual and amazing. We are very lucky to live in small college town with truly talented musicians performing at our church every Sunday. But this was incredible even for them. At one point during the bells' section, my heart literally moved with the music.

But... it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted a sermon. I wanted to hear my minister give his thoughts on Palm Sunday on April Fool's day. It can't happen very often. Both days are simply made up days, we all know that. The calendar is our way of trying to organize God's time. But it seems strangely appropriate to me.

When I taught in North Carolina, a student told me "fool" was the worst thing you could call a person and his grandma would "get after me" for saying it. But we are fools, aren't we? So often we think we are in charge of our lives, but we're not. Even those who don't believe, have to admit, we are not really in charge of our destiny. We make choices and pick paths, but powers outside of our control can turn everything on its head.

Is it okay if I tape this conversation?

For obvious reasons, I can't get into details, but oh ladie, it was a week!

I was in a meeting this afternoon during which my student teacher made the statement above. Honestly I was fine with the conversation being taped. But, wow, don't know if I would ever have the balls to walk in and say that. Again, can't really get into it, but she has demonstrated some serious boundary issues as well as poor planning and has not done a great job in the classroom. All in all having a student teacher, has not been what I expected.

This is actually my second student teacher. The first guy was nice enough, but he had no intention of teaching. He was getting a degree in special education and then was going to school for school psychology. Again, nice guy, did a fine job, but felt a bit like a waste of my time.

But this, this has been something else all together. But she will be teaching next week. And I will be writing more often, shouldn't be too hard.