So it is January 28th, and I'm doing alright by my New Year resolutions, if we can gauge it that way. Most people, including me, tend to think of resolutions as an all or nothing type of thing. Either you follow them or you don't, the morning you miss your first workout, take a bite of the doughnut, make an impulse purchase, you have wrecked it. To hell with it, might as well eat the whole dozen doughnuts. I am actively fighting that viewpoint. I heard an "expert" once, I think on Oprah, who said every bite is a decision. It kinda changed my life. Well, not all at once, but it really made me think. I took a bite of a doughnut, now what? Do I eat the rest of the thing, or do I say, "Oops," and get on with my life. Not really sure why I making this about doughnuts, I'm not actually a big fan. Give me chocolate any day of the week! But let's say the doughnut in questions has 240 calories (I'll looked that up, regular glazed) well, what do you think, 10 bites per doughnut? So one bite would have 24 calories. I'm not saying you should go out and eat one bite, I'm saying if you do, don't beat yourself up about it. If you missed this mornings workout, go tomorrow, or walk in the afternoon. If you bought something you shouldn't have, take it back! Or just resolve to stay out of the store tomorrow!
Now there are some all or nothings, some alcoholics really can't have a drink. And one (big) bite of a doughnut could do damage to a person's blood sugar. And if the one thing you bought yesterday, was a car, you got some problems, honey! But for the most part a little slip doesn't need to be the end of the story.
So I have not blogged every weekday in January, by a long shot, but I have more days than any previous month. My house is NOT company ready at anytime, but the bathrooms have been cleanish almost every night. And money is still an issue, and it will be for awhile. But I am so proud of OM and I. We sat down on Sunday and looked at where we've spent our money in the last three months. Then we actually planned how to spend our money this month. It still looks like there will be more month than money, but we are doing what we can and hoping for the best. And we did not fight about it, we talked. So proud!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Shut the door
I did end up taking Lu to her doctor appointment on Thursday. It literally took the cooperation of 5 adults besides myself and OM, but I got her there!
I enjoy driving on (clear and non-icy) country roads, I love to talk, and I adore Lu. So talking to her while I drove many an hour was not a shabby way to spend a day. She slept some and I was alone from my house to hers and on the way back. So I listened to quite a bit of Suze Orman. I loved her statement "Live in your truth," but that's a convo for another time.
Lu has been diagnosed with Familial Hypertriglyceridemia, basically genetic high triglycerides. In the course of finding out the best care and feeding for Lu (low fat, no simple sugars. No diuretics, beta blockers, Estrogen, or Antipsychotics for her! Unless she really needs them. and of course, no alcohol.) I asked about her siblings, ie me, the others too, but what can I do to prevent pancreatitis, it did not appear to be an enjoyable event in her life and I'd rather avoid it. We should have our cholesterol done annually and pay close attention to our triglycerides. And it wouldn't hurt to watch the mentioned issues.
Lu's illness shut some doors for me. The biggest one is directly related to Estrogen. OM has been positive Hope is our last child since before she was born. I agreed, in theory. My pregnancy with her was not so easy, I'm 37 and OM is 44, and we never have any money. And mostly OM was done, didn't even want to consider another child. I know it wouldn't be fair to him, or the child for that matter to push another baby on him. btw OM is an incredible dad, please believe me here, the man is willing to get up at 6:30 and read The Lord of the Rings to his kids since he is now working nights. He adores Hope, it is wonderful to watch. But he doesn't want any more. I agreed with him, but it was hard for me to admit my baby making and having days are over. (well, not the act, you know what I mean!) I've always agreed with my sister Jill, birth control is letting God know my thoughts on the matter. Ultimately it's up to God, and I was kinda hoping the IUD wouldn't work as well as it should. I've known it to happen.
But, now I feel differently. I am done having children, unless God decides differently, but I (mostly) hope not. I think there will always be a part of me that will yearn when holding a little one, a part that will look wistfully at a round belly. But my belly won't be round again, at least not with a baby. There are many factors in this decision, some listed above and some not. A big one is sister Cali's death in her forties, and now Lu's near miss in her late forties. I plan on being around a good long time, but I don't feel comfortable bringing another life in if I'm not long for this world. I know I'm being melodramatic, this is simply an (early) mid-life crisis, but I also know this decision is right.
Of course, I have Mirena IUD which is releasing a synthetic of Estrogen as we speak. So I guess I need to make a couple doctor appointments, one for me, one for OM.
I enjoy driving on (clear and non-icy) country roads, I love to talk, and I adore Lu. So talking to her while I drove many an hour was not a shabby way to spend a day. She slept some and I was alone from my house to hers and on the way back. So I listened to quite a bit of Suze Orman. I loved her statement "Live in your truth," but that's a convo for another time.
Lu has been diagnosed with Familial Hypertriglyceridemia, basically genetic high triglycerides. In the course of finding out the best care and feeding for Lu (low fat, no simple sugars. No diuretics, beta blockers, Estrogen, or Antipsychotics for her! Unless she really needs them. and of course, no alcohol.) I asked about her siblings, ie me, the others too, but what can I do to prevent pancreatitis, it did not appear to be an enjoyable event in her life and I'd rather avoid it. We should have our cholesterol done annually and pay close attention to our triglycerides. And it wouldn't hurt to watch the mentioned issues.
Lu's illness shut some doors for me. The biggest one is directly related to Estrogen. OM has been positive Hope is our last child since before she was born. I agreed, in theory. My pregnancy with her was not so easy, I'm 37 and OM is 44, and we never have any money. And mostly OM was done, didn't even want to consider another child. I know it wouldn't be fair to him, or the child for that matter to push another baby on him. btw OM is an incredible dad, please believe me here, the man is willing to get up at 6:30 and read The Lord of the Rings to his kids since he is now working nights. He adores Hope, it is wonderful to watch. But he doesn't want any more. I agreed with him, but it was hard for me to admit my baby making and having days are over. (well, not the act, you know what I mean!) I've always agreed with my sister Jill, birth control is letting God know my thoughts on the matter. Ultimately it's up to God, and I was kinda hoping the IUD wouldn't work as well as it should. I've known it to happen.
But, now I feel differently. I am done having children, unless God decides differently, but I (mostly) hope not. I think there will always be a part of me that will yearn when holding a little one, a part that will look wistfully at a round belly. But my belly won't be round again, at least not with a baby. There are many factors in this decision, some listed above and some not. A big one is sister Cali's death in her forties, and now Lu's near miss in her late forties. I plan on being around a good long time, but I don't feel comfortable bringing another life in if I'm not long for this world. I know I'm being melodramatic, this is simply an (early) mid-life crisis, but I also know this decision is right.
Of course, I have Mirena IUD which is releasing a synthetic of Estrogen as we speak. So I guess I need to make a couple doctor appointments, one for me, one for OM.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
quick a minute
I don't have much time so I'm just going to write "quick a minute", I think my mom used to use that turn of phrase, but I'm not actually sure.
I am going to take Lu to her doctor appointment tomorrow, yippee! So I'm driving 2 hours tonight to her house. Sleeping there, tomorrow I'll drive 2 1/2 hours to the city to the north. Her appointments are at 11 and 2, then I'll drive her home and drive back here. Long day, but spent with one of my favorite people in the world and for a great cause: )
I have already shined my sink (shone my sink?). As always dressed to lace up shoes and read day four "Write down steps so far on a sticky note. Stick it on your mirror". If I haven't heard from my bro-in-law after I finish this post I will write them down. If not, I'll do it tomorrow, really.
I'm almost finished listening to The Total Money Makeover. I'm picking up Suze Orman's The Money Class on my way out of town. Listening to financial books works VERY well for me. Especially in the car, I'm stuck there and they've been engaging so far. I don't think we will ever be "cheetah intense" with our budget, but I think there was a lot of good advice. Nothing shockingly new, but now time to implement!
I am going to take Lu to her doctor appointment tomorrow, yippee! So I'm driving 2 hours tonight to her house. Sleeping there, tomorrow I'll drive 2 1/2 hours to the city to the north. Her appointments are at 11 and 2, then I'll drive her home and drive back here. Long day, but spent with one of my favorite people in the world and for a great cause: )
I have already shined my sink (shone my sink?). As always dressed to lace up shoes and read day four "Write down steps so far on a sticky note. Stick it on your mirror". If I haven't heard from my bro-in-law after I finish this post I will write them down. If not, I'll do it tomorrow, really.
I'm almost finished listening to The Total Money Makeover. I'm picking up Suze Orman's The Money Class on my way out of town. Listening to financial books works VERY well for me. Especially in the car, I'm stuck there and they've been engaging so far. I don't think we will ever be "cheetah intense" with our budget, but I think there was a lot of good advice. Nothing shockingly new, but now time to implement!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Damn noneffective wood knocking!
Last week at Target, I glibly mentioned, "My family has been exposed to the flu several times, and we haven't gotten it, knock on wood!" And then I would, indeed knock on wood. Apparently knocking on wood is not an effective preventative measure for influenza, who know? Please don't answer that.
So I didn't write yesterday, but fiscally and Flyladily it was a good day for me. Not for the whole family, apparently OM and I need to discuss what "absolute necessity" means. Hint, not a 2 liter of Coke Zero AND Root Beer. Although, I read Peace like a River earlier this winter (highly recommend it!) And at one point the family was broke, really broke and in my head I'm thinking, "Yeah, yeah, they're broke, too early in the book for anyone to starve, they'll be fine." And then some miracle money came in (shocker) and they bought coffee. Coffee, they didn't have enough money for coffee, damn, that would suck! For some reason, that hit harder than other books' tales of desperation and hunger. Coffee is an "absolute necessity". But I do want to make clear, I mean coffee made in our own kitchen and currently made from beans we grind, usually big name beans, that may need to change soon, insert sad face here.
Spent no money yesterday, shined my sink and followed Day 2 suggestion on Flylady.com, dress to shoes, no problem as I had to work and tend to wear lace up shoes around the house anyway. Today I needed to get some groceries, OM had picked up a few things on Monday, but missed milk and coffee, so another trip was a necessity. He was home all day with a sick Hope(damn noneffective wood knocking!) I did pretty good, considering I had the guys with me, but made a few oops purchases. Chocolate is a necessity for me, I don't need much but I'm changing a lot right now, let me have my c beans (chocolate and coffee). But Lindor truffles, even on sale, are not a necessity especially when there are M&Ms in the house.
Yesterday, I stopped at the library, carrying an almost, kinda healthy Hope. Her fever wasn't over a hundred yet, but I could see it was coming. I didn't let her touch anything! Anyhoo, I borrowed a couple books and an audio book on money management, because if you have a problem, there's a book for that! The audio book is a Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover". I've heard a ton about him, but this was the first time I'd listened to him. A bit abrasive for my taste, but not bad. He started by talking about having to pay bills back before he went through his bankruptcy and saw the error in his ways. And he said, "I didn't feel like some powerful adult; instead I felt like a little boy inside me who was very afraid - afraid of this month's bills..."hmm, that sounds very familiar.
So I didn't write yesterday, but fiscally and Flyladily it was a good day for me. Not for the whole family, apparently OM and I need to discuss what "absolute necessity" means. Hint, not a 2 liter of Coke Zero AND Root Beer. Although, I read Peace like a River earlier this winter (highly recommend it!) And at one point the family was broke, really broke and in my head I'm thinking, "Yeah, yeah, they're broke, too early in the book for anyone to starve, they'll be fine." And then some miracle money came in (shocker) and they bought coffee. Coffee, they didn't have enough money for coffee, damn, that would suck! For some reason, that hit harder than other books' tales of desperation and hunger. Coffee is an "absolute necessity". But I do want to make clear, I mean coffee made in our own kitchen and currently made from beans we grind, usually big name beans, that may need to change soon, insert sad face here.
Spent no money yesterday, shined my sink and followed Day 2 suggestion on Flylady.com, dress to shoes, no problem as I had to work and tend to wear lace up shoes around the house anyway. Today I needed to get some groceries, OM had picked up a few things on Monday, but missed milk and coffee, so another trip was a necessity. He was home all day with a sick Hope(damn noneffective wood knocking!) I did pretty good, considering I had the guys with me, but made a few oops purchases. Chocolate is a necessity for me, I don't need much but I'm changing a lot right now, let me have my c beans (chocolate and coffee). But Lindor truffles, even on sale, are not a necessity especially when there are M&Ms in the house.
Yesterday, I stopped at the library, carrying an almost, kinda healthy Hope. Her fever wasn't over a hundred yet, but I could see it was coming. I didn't let her touch anything! Anyhoo, I borrowed a couple books and an audio book on money management, because if you have a problem, there's a book for that! The audio book is a Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover". I've heard a ton about him, but this was the first time I'd listened to him. A bit abrasive for my taste, but not bad. He started by talking about having to pay bills back before he went through his bankruptcy and saw the error in his ways. And he said, "I didn't feel like some powerful adult; instead I felt like a little boy inside me who was very afraid - afraid of this month's bills..."hmm, that sounds very familiar.
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Grow up already!
I cried on my 27th birthday. My oldest sister, Lu, had her first child when she was 27 and somehow that seemed a "grown up age". I thought when I turned 27, I would be an adult. Never mind I had MY first child at 25, I thought 27 was the magical, mystical age when I would be a (deep voice here) grown up. So when I checked the mail on my 27th birthday and found an insufficient funds notice from my bank, I cried. I was not a grown up, I may have been a professional, married, home owning, mother, but I was not a grown up. Grown ups didn't bounce checks, grown ups didn't hold their breath when giving a credit card to a sales person. And grown ups keep their house reasonable clean for heavens sake!
Ten years have passed. Many things have changed, two more kiddos, loss of several family members, and thanks to check plus, I haven't actually bounced a check in years. But I am still struggling with many of the same issues. I'm still not a good steward of my money or my home and I'm sick of it! There have been improvements, haven't used a credit card in over 2 years. OM has, but not much, unfortunately not using credit cards, doesn't erase the old debt, darn it. And I've read, and read, and read on the subjects of organization and money management. I bought my first Suze Orman book in college and my first Organize from the Inside Out soon after graduating. I'm like one of those overweight people who can tell you how many calories in every food and exactly how much exercises is needed to burn off every bite. I know a ton of the advice and tricks, but can't seem to consistently implement them into my budget and my house. My budget, ha! I have a beautiful googledocs spreadsheet put together with all the monthly bills imputed and my Mint.com account is up to date, well, kinda. The last couple months transactions are broken into categories and there is a pretty little pie chart. But before that about half the chart is "Uncategorized".
I subscribed to www.flylady.net soon after my second son was born. Flylady has inspired some changes, I make my bed every morning, wear lace up shoes at home, and can crisis clean like nobody's business. And most importantly, I hear from other (mostly) women who have the same struggles I have. I'm sure more women I know in RL deal with some of these issues, but we don't talk about it much. Several women I know and love have messy homes, and they've decided they are okay with it, for now. I'm not, I never feel like I can relax completely when my home is a mess and Flylady's group showed me there are others like me. But, and this is a huge but, my house and finances are still a mess and I'm sick of it! And I really hate that I spend way too much of my time dealing with messes and not playing with my kiddos. And I spend a ton of time nagging them to clean. I want them to be able to keep a house together and still have a life they love. I want them to be able to budget and afford what they need and some of what they want.
So, I'm committing follow Flylady's 31 days all the way through and set up a budget and actually follow it. I'm going to track my progress, good and bad on this blog. I'm even, gulp, going to share my little hiding place on the web with some friends in hopes they can keep me honest.
Day One - My sink is shining and I bought only diapers and milk at Target. I did fine tune my spreadsheet. I also unpacked a couple boxes and did about four loads of wash and folded a couple others that had been sitting around. They have not been put away. But I'm heading to bed as Go to bed early is another Flylady commandment.
I snuggled with all three kiddo at different times, OM too. And I read "Guess How Much I Love You" to Hope.
Ten years have passed. Many things have changed, two more kiddos, loss of several family members, and thanks to check plus, I haven't actually bounced a check in years. But I am still struggling with many of the same issues. I'm still not a good steward of my money or my home and I'm sick of it! There have been improvements, haven't used a credit card in over 2 years. OM has, but not much, unfortunately not using credit cards, doesn't erase the old debt, darn it. And I've read, and read, and read on the subjects of organization and money management. I bought my first Suze Orman book in college and my first Organize from the Inside Out soon after graduating. I'm like one of those overweight people who can tell you how many calories in every food and exactly how much exercises is needed to burn off every bite. I know a ton of the advice and tricks, but can't seem to consistently implement them into my budget and my house. My budget, ha! I have a beautiful googledocs spreadsheet put together with all the monthly bills imputed and my Mint.com account is up to date, well, kinda. The last couple months transactions are broken into categories and there is a pretty little pie chart. But before that about half the chart is "Uncategorized".
I subscribed to www.flylady.net soon after my second son was born. Flylady has inspired some changes, I make my bed every morning, wear lace up shoes at home, and can crisis clean like nobody's business. And most importantly, I hear from other (mostly) women who have the same struggles I have. I'm sure more women I know in RL deal with some of these issues, but we don't talk about it much. Several women I know and love have messy homes, and they've decided they are okay with it, for now. I'm not, I never feel like I can relax completely when my home is a mess and Flylady's group showed me there are others like me. But, and this is a huge but, my house and finances are still a mess and I'm sick of it! And I really hate that I spend way too much of my time dealing with messes and not playing with my kiddos. And I spend a ton of time nagging them to clean. I want them to be able to keep a house together and still have a life they love. I want them to be able to budget and afford what they need and some of what they want.
So, I'm committing follow Flylady's 31 days all the way through and set up a budget and actually follow it. I'm going to track my progress, good and bad on this blog. I'm even, gulp, going to share my little hiding place on the web with some friends in hopes they can keep me honest.
Day One - My sink is shining and I bought only diapers and milk at Target. I did fine tune my spreadsheet. I also unpacked a couple boxes and did about four loads of wash and folded a couple others that had been sitting around. They have not been put away. But I'm heading to bed as Go to bed early is another Flylady commandment.
I snuggled with all three kiddo at different times, OM too. And I read "Guess How Much I Love You" to Hope.
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Analysis This
We special education teachers are a different sort. People tell me all the time, "oh I could never do your job; it takes a special person." I'm not sure why that statement annoys me, but it does. I guess I figure we are all special, and there are MANY jobs I could never do. Anyhoo, kinda got of topic. Back to sped teachers being unique. It is a blessing and a curse, I watch my own kiddos very closely and see "issues" many others would probably never notice. It can drive you insane, but it can help your kids get the help they need. Or if you are brave, help friends' children get the help they need, but THAT can be dicey very quickly.
As a special ed teacher, the importance of documentation is drilled into one's head early in one's career as well as the need to have measurable goals. One can't just write "Student will behave better in class," what does "behave" mean? Throwing pencils in class is one type of behavior, is that what's intended? How was the student behaving? How often? What exactly is better?
One "tool" used to improve documentation and goal setting is task analysis. A teacher or other profession examines the task the student needs to master and breaks it down step by step.
I think I am going to write a task analysis for my children (not the 2 year old)
How to take a shower
1. Gather towel and clothing to wear after the shower (clothing could be pajamas)
2. Use the toilet
3. Flush & put down lid of toilet
4. Place clothing or pajamas on lid of toilet
5. Place towel on closest towel bar
6. Insure there is a bath mat or other towel on the floor, if not put one there!
7. Turn on the vent
8. Undress
9. Then, and only then, turn water on and adjust to your liking
10. Get in shower stall
11. Make sure to CLOSE the shower curtain
12. Step into water stream, getting hair and complete body wet
13. Step back from stream
14. Use Purpose soap to wash face, rinse
15. Use YOUR soap/shampoo and lather your hair
16. Continue using YOUR soap/shampoo to lather body concentrating on places your skin touches such as underarms and such
17. Step under water stream, rinse, starting with your hair and working down
18. Be sure to rinse places skin touches such as underarms, ect.
19. Turn off water (before it is cold!)
20. Then, and only then, open shower curtain and grab towel
21. Dry hair and body, again starting with hair and working down
22. Hang towel on rack
22. PUT ON DEODORANT!
23. Put on clothing, or pajamas
24. Then, and only then, leave the bathroom, grabbing dirty clothing
25. Place dirty clothing in the hamper
26. Double check to insure you put on deodorant
27. Enjoy being clean and stink free!
I maybe going a bit overboard.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
A post in minor chord
I have a million posts started in my head, okay maybe not a million, but more than a few. But I don't have the energy to start a major post so I'm following http://flotsamblog.com/ and just going with three things off the top of my head and publishing.
1) My sister, Lu, is home from the hospital. So very excited, but nervous too. Last test I heard about showed little if any improvement in her pancreas, but they wouldn't send her home if it wasn't doing better, right? RIGHT?!? I'm also concerned she won't take care of herself. She is really good at taking care of others, but she needs to put herself on the TOP of the list.
2) Said sister called me today (minor yippee we normally talk almost everyday. I have really missed talking to her! okay maybe that was a major yippee.) Anyhoo, this sister who rarely asks me for help, asked me to take her daughter to a recheck at a specialist and I have to say no, I HATE it, but I need to take care of me and mine too. It would involve at least 8 hours of driving, a day off from both jobs, and probably over 24 hours away from my kiddos who I see very little of the way it is. Being a grown up sucks.
3) Seizures really suck. One of my students had one today and I hate them. They are scary to see and I know every seizure causes damage to the brain. And I wish they didn't exist.
Okay, I did my three, not going to make changes, just going to post, gulp
1) My sister, Lu, is home from the hospital. So very excited, but nervous too. Last test I heard about showed little if any improvement in her pancreas, but they wouldn't send her home if it wasn't doing better, right? RIGHT?!? I'm also concerned she won't take care of herself. She is really good at taking care of others, but she needs to put herself on the TOP of the list.
2) Said sister called me today (minor yippee we normally talk almost everyday. I have really missed talking to her! okay maybe that was a major yippee.) Anyhoo, this sister who rarely asks me for help, asked me to take her daughter to a recheck at a specialist and I have to say no, I HATE it, but I need to take care of me and mine too. It would involve at least 8 hours of driving, a day off from both jobs, and probably over 24 hours away from my kiddos who I see very little of the way it is. Being a grown up sucks.
3) Seizures really suck. One of my students had one today and I hate them. They are scary to see and I know every seizure causes damage to the brain. And I wish they didn't exist.
Okay, I did my three, not going to make changes, just going to post, gulp
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Workin hard for what?
I taught all day (well, 72% of the day) Thursday and Friday and then worked at Target from 4:30 to close (I was on the floor, so we close at 11, I don't get out until 11:30 to 12:30 depending on the mess and if we have to change the signs). I really don't mind either job, I tend to enjoy my time more often than hate it at both. Although there are points of wishing away the day at both. But I've had much worse jobs, I've also had jobs I've enjoyed more, but they aren't too bad.
But, oh my, can those hours make a mess of my house! Old Man is trying harder than he used to, but when I went back to school on Wednesday the house was mostly picked up, not truly clean, but I could open the door to company with only a little embarrassment. But Saturday morning I got up to a house where there were few, if any, calm places to lay my eyes. That is so disheartening to me. In my mind, I know I can't do everything, and I would rather sit and cuddle with my kiddos during my few hours off this weekend. But no, I spent most of the day cleaning Saturday, then worked 5:30 to 12:30. Today the guys had a wrestling tournament which took most the day. I spent a good portion of the evening cleaning, organizing, and folding the laundry I washed yesterday. I still feel behind, sigh.
But, oh my, can those hours make a mess of my house! Old Man is trying harder than he used to, but when I went back to school on Wednesday the house was mostly picked up, not truly clean, but I could open the door to company with only a little embarrassment. But Saturday morning I got up to a house where there were few, if any, calm places to lay my eyes. That is so disheartening to me. In my mind, I know I can't do everything, and I would rather sit and cuddle with my kiddos during my few hours off this weekend. But no, I spent most of the day cleaning Saturday, then worked 5:30 to 12:30. Today the guys had a wrestling tournament which took most the day. I spent a good portion of the evening cleaning, organizing, and folding the laundry I washed yesterday. I still feel behind, sigh.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
A little catch up
I should provide a little info on my world as of now. We eventually sold our house in the Midwestern college town I loved. We planned on moving to Minneapolis, but alas, found no jobs. That was all sorts of fun, let me tell you. So, for about six weeks, we lived with my mother-in-law. Yes, my three children, husband and I lived with his mother who has lived alone for over 20 years, no stress there at all. Old Man was able to pick up a couple classes at the community college he'd taught at before and I subbed. It was a bit of a blow to the self esteem for both of us. I'd been quite confident, to the point of cocky, that I'D get a teaching job in MN, of course I would and it would pay so much better and be just wonderful! To walk back into my old school and get paid less to sub took a big swallow of the pride. But I did it and found subbing could be fun. Although subbing in a kindergarten room the second week of school was a lot of work! Those early elementary teacher work hard for their money! Give me 8th grade English any day!
A little more than a month into the school year, my brother called. He teaches adaptive pe in the largish city to the south. One of his middle school students was having a very hard time transitioning to the middle school. So hard the district was considering hiring a new teacher. Our sister, J.J., is an occupational therapist and she also knew the student. They both encouraged me to apply. I'd applied at his school district a couple times before, and had never even gotten an interview, but really had no other options, so I applied. And I got the job.
So, we moved in with J.J. and her family. Four adults and six kids ages 11 down to 1 in one house. An adventure of another sort! Although it went better than I'd have guessed. She knew someone who knew someone with a house to rent.
We are now renting a house about 8 blocks from her. I'm teaching self-contained special education teacher with a 72% time contract so I am done (almost) every day by 2 and bringing home slightly more money a month than last year. Old Man is on his winter break, but starting January 15th he will be teaching three classes as well as tutoring writing. Still no benefits or security, but it's something. I started a seasonal job at Target(!) in November. In addition to a little extra cash, I get a 15% discount on all the crap I probably would have bought anyway. I told my kiddos, if you can't buy it at Target, don't bother asking for it for Christmas! They just asked me to stay on a couple days a week. I said yes, because who really wants to sleep anyway.
Kiddos have done really well with the transition. Me too, most the time. But I really miss my friends, especially those I could talk books with, and my job. I don't hate either of my current jobs, but I don't love them either. I really hope I can get back to an English classroom at some point!
A little more than a month into the school year, my brother called. He teaches adaptive pe in the largish city to the south. One of his middle school students was having a very hard time transitioning to the middle school. So hard the district was considering hiring a new teacher. Our sister, J.J., is an occupational therapist and she also knew the student. They both encouraged me to apply. I'd applied at his school district a couple times before, and had never even gotten an interview, but really had no other options, so I applied. And I got the job.
So, we moved in with J.J. and her family. Four adults and six kids ages 11 down to 1 in one house. An adventure of another sort! Although it went better than I'd have guessed. She knew someone who knew someone with a house to rent.
We are now renting a house about 8 blocks from her. I'm teaching self-contained special education teacher with a 72% time contract so I am done (almost) every day by 2 and bringing home slightly more money a month than last year. Old Man is on his winter break, but starting January 15th he will be teaching three classes as well as tutoring writing. Still no benefits or security, but it's something. I started a seasonal job at Target(!) in November. In addition to a little extra cash, I get a 15% discount on all the crap I probably would have bought anyway. I told my kiddos, if you can't buy it at Target, don't bother asking for it for Christmas! They just asked me to stay on a couple days a week. I said yes, because who really wants to sleep anyway.
Kiddos have done really well with the transition. Me too, most the time. But I really miss my friends, especially those I could talk books with, and my job. I don't hate either of my current jobs, but I don't love them either. I really hope I can get back to an English classroom at some point!
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Let's hear it for resolutions!
I'm going to blog, like regularly. I swear. I figure it is a resolution I just may keep as I've already had 2 (or 3) glasses of wine today, my supper involved copious amounts of bacon and Old Man and I haven't had "the money talk", so I've failed on my other resolutions in the first 24 hours of the day. I have managed to be kinder to my hubby although not to my kiddos. Just ask them, I took away their computers, again. They get them back tomorrow, but we are instituting a "pay to play" system which involves them completing household tasks in order to earn screen time. GASP! I know, I am horribly cruel, aren't I.
I do intend to eat better this year. My oldest sister, Lu, is still in the hospital after a major scare with her pancreas, in truth I'm not sure her pancreas is officially doing what it is suppose to be doing so she is still technically in a major scare. But she is no longer on a vent or dialysis and there is serious talk of her going home after more than a month in the hospital. So she is recovering.
But that does leave me as a 37 year old (yikes! had a birthday last month) with one sister in her late 40s recovering from pancreatitis and one sister who died of pancreatic cancer in her mid 40s. And there is more family history of pancreas issues. Little sister, Jill, and I are thinking of making t-shirts, "Save the Pancrei!" we've decide "pancrei" is the plural of "pancreas" rather than the mundane "pancreases". I will be eating better, maybe even exercising and I've started drinking less. Just a glass of wine here and there, going several weeks in December without a single drink.
My eating better resolution succumbed to the tradition of black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Of course that didn't exactly work out either. I have a lovely casserole recipe that mimics "Hoppin' John" and provides the needed black eyed peas for good luck in the new year. Not that I believe in all that jazz, really I don't I simply make the recipe once a year on New Year's Day, 'cause I like it, I mean you start by frying some bacon then sauteing onion and green peppers in the bacon grease. How could that be a bad thing for anything but your heart, and possibly your pancreas. But when Old Man went to the grocery, they were out of black eyed peas. So I made it with navy beans. It tasted pretty good. I told the kiddos the first time I made this was 2001 for their Grandpa Fred, Old Man's dad. He really liked it. Old Man remarked maybe we should stop making it as Grandpa Fred died in 2001. Interesting point...
I do intend to eat better this year. My oldest sister, Lu, is still in the hospital after a major scare with her pancreas, in truth I'm not sure her pancreas is officially doing what it is suppose to be doing so she is still technically in a major scare. But she is no longer on a vent or dialysis and there is serious talk of her going home after more than a month in the hospital. So she is recovering.
But that does leave me as a 37 year old (yikes! had a birthday last month) with one sister in her late 40s recovering from pancreatitis and one sister who died of pancreatic cancer in her mid 40s. And there is more family history of pancreas issues. Little sister, Jill, and I are thinking of making t-shirts, "Save the Pancrei!" we've decide "pancrei" is the plural of "pancreas" rather than the mundane "pancreases". I will be eating better, maybe even exercising and I've started drinking less. Just a glass of wine here and there, going several weeks in December without a single drink.
My eating better resolution succumbed to the tradition of black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Of course that didn't exactly work out either. I have a lovely casserole recipe that mimics "Hoppin' John" and provides the needed black eyed peas for good luck in the new year. Not that I believe in all that jazz, really I don't I simply make the recipe once a year on New Year's Day, 'cause I like it, I mean you start by frying some bacon then sauteing onion and green peppers in the bacon grease. How could that be a bad thing for anything but your heart, and possibly your pancreas. But when Old Man went to the grocery, they were out of black eyed peas. So I made it with navy beans. It tasted pretty good. I told the kiddos the first time I made this was 2001 for their Grandpa Fred, Old Man's dad. He really liked it. Old Man remarked maybe we should stop making it as Grandpa Fred died in 2001. Interesting point...
Monday, June 18, 2012
And the world smiles with you
I am usually a pretty upbeat person. I've always been relatively laid back, well, that doesn't completely describe it. I am hyper sometimes and sensitive most the time. And I have dealt with depression which is its own monster. But my mode of operation is generally positive.
I remember thinking in high school being positive wasn't cool, too Pollyanna. So I tried to down play it. When someone asked how I was doing, I'd say, "Tired," or "Bored". During study hall, I was sitting with a new student. I went to a small school, around 75 students per grade, it was the consolidation of four small farm towns, the school was literally in the middle of a corn field. We didn't have many new students and this girl was something altogether different. She moved there from Chicago to live with a relative, aunt or grandma, to get away from the gangs. Well, that was the story told around town, this was also when "Fresh Prince" was on TV so who knows. So she sat down next to me a couple weeks into her stay, and asked how I was. I responded with tired or something along those lines and she said I must have a hard life because whenever she asked how I was, the answer was negative. I realized that was NOT who I wanted to be. Because I really am a generally happy person, it wasn't hard to make the change.
Even in the midst of really hard times, when someone asks how I'm doing, I generally say, "Peachy". Although, sometimes I have a bit of an ironic tone to it. But I'm not lying, I am doing peachy, good enough, can't complain. Well, I usually can complain about something, but why bother, doesn't help. Okay, I do complain more than I wish I did, but I'm trying!
And, I try to avoid lying, even white lies. I certain fall short of that one, but I try. When my kids ask a questions, I try to be truthful to the degree they are ready for it. We do have Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but when they question it, I tell them the truth. I resigned from my position before having a new job because signing a contract I did not intend to fulfill felt like a lie and I wasn't comfortable with it.
But all this, this move with no set plans, no job offer, no certainty, this sucks. I'm starting to have a really hard time being upbeat. People are so nice, and maybe nosy, in our small town, almost anytime I go somewhere I run into a friend, or church member, or a parent of one of my former students, and they always ask how things are going and if we have jobs yet. And it is driving me nuts! I really do think most people mean well, but I'm really starting to wish I'd signed my contract and just looked for jobs without saying anything!
I am trying though, trying to look at the good, anticipate the journey, and appreciate what I do have. Even if I do go nuts in the process.
I remember thinking in high school being positive wasn't cool, too Pollyanna. So I tried to down play it. When someone asked how I was doing, I'd say, "Tired," or "Bored". During study hall, I was sitting with a new student. I went to a small school, around 75 students per grade, it was the consolidation of four small farm towns, the school was literally in the middle of a corn field. We didn't have many new students and this girl was something altogether different. She moved there from Chicago to live with a relative, aunt or grandma, to get away from the gangs. Well, that was the story told around town, this was also when "Fresh Prince" was on TV so who knows. So she sat down next to me a couple weeks into her stay, and asked how I was. I responded with tired or something along those lines and she said I must have a hard life because whenever she asked how I was, the answer was negative. I realized that was NOT who I wanted to be. Because I really am a generally happy person, it wasn't hard to make the change.
Even in the midst of really hard times, when someone asks how I'm doing, I generally say, "Peachy". Although, sometimes I have a bit of an ironic tone to it. But I'm not lying, I am doing peachy, good enough, can't complain. Well, I usually can complain about something, but why bother, doesn't help. Okay, I do complain more than I wish I did, but I'm trying!
And, I try to avoid lying, even white lies. I certain fall short of that one, but I try. When my kids ask a questions, I try to be truthful to the degree they are ready for it. We do have Santa and the Tooth Fairy, but when they question it, I tell them the truth. I resigned from my position before having a new job because signing a contract I did not intend to fulfill felt like a lie and I wasn't comfortable with it.
But all this, this move with no set plans, no job offer, no certainty, this sucks. I'm starting to have a really hard time being upbeat. People are so nice, and maybe nosy, in our small town, almost anytime I go somewhere I run into a friend, or church member, or a parent of one of my former students, and they always ask how things are going and if we have jobs yet. And it is driving me nuts! I really do think most people mean well, but I'm really starting to wish I'd signed my contract and just looked for jobs without saying anything!
I am trying though, trying to look at the good, anticipate the journey, and appreciate what I do have. Even if I do go nuts in the process.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
As you like it
"All the world 's a stage, and all the men and women merely
players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his
time plays many parts" - ( Quote Act II, Scene VII).
Shakespeare
Or as my minister put it a couple weeks ago, "Life is all about the comings and goings."
Well, we are exiting or going or however you want to put it. We are moving from my beloved small college town to the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area. I resigned from a job I LOVED because I could no longer afford to work there. For the past four years, since finishing his Masters, Old Man has been teaching as an adjunct professor at several different private and community colleges. He has been applying and applying for full time work all over this area it hasn't been happening. So I have been carrying the family insurance on my (very expensive) work plan.
Things were fiscally tight, but okay. Then came The Year - when my sister and mom had cancer, and extended family members kept dying and I was on bed rest with baby girl. (It was actually about 18 months, but I think of it as The Year.) Anyway, we were not terribly careful with our money during that time. We ran up credit card debt flying out to see my sister and on quick meals and such. OM had a better paying visiting instructor job for a time, we paid off some bills, but also spent more than we should have, figuring his salary would only go up.
It didn't. He actually had a 75% pay cut at the beginning of the school year. He found another adjunct position, but it didn't make up the whole salary and he was working a ton more. Second semester, he was working less, and getting paid less. Things got really tight.
Then the final blow came. I got my contract for next year. I would be getting a roughly $600 a year raise, but insurance would be going up 15%. For full family that is about $125 a month, more. Insurance on my husband and three children, with a $2000 deductible would be nearly $1000 a month. I cannot get paid less.
So I resigned, put our house on the market, and started applying for jobs. It's been about six weeks since we made the decision, and nothing much has changed. House has not sold, no new job for either of us, I shouldn't say nothing has changed. The stress level, she keeps going up!
Shakespeare
Or as my minister put it a couple weeks ago, "Life is all about the comings and goings."
Well, we are exiting or going or however you want to put it. We are moving from my beloved small college town to the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area. I resigned from a job I LOVED because I could no longer afford to work there. For the past four years, since finishing his Masters, Old Man has been teaching as an adjunct professor at several different private and community colleges. He has been applying and applying for full time work all over this area it hasn't been happening. So I have been carrying the family insurance on my (very expensive) work plan.
Things were fiscally tight, but okay. Then came The Year - when my sister and mom had cancer, and extended family members kept dying and I was on bed rest with baby girl. (It was actually about 18 months, but I think of it as The Year.) Anyway, we were not terribly careful with our money during that time. We ran up credit card debt flying out to see my sister and on quick meals and such. OM had a better paying visiting instructor job for a time, we paid off some bills, but also spent more than we should have, figuring his salary would only go up.
It didn't. He actually had a 75% pay cut at the beginning of the school year. He found another adjunct position, but it didn't make up the whole salary and he was working a ton more. Second semester, he was working less, and getting paid less. Things got really tight.
Then the final blow came. I got my contract for next year. I would be getting a roughly $600 a year raise, but insurance would be going up 15%. For full family that is about $125 a month, more. Insurance on my husband and three children, with a $2000 deductible would be nearly $1000 a month. I cannot get paid less.
So I resigned, put our house on the market, and started applying for jobs. It's been about six weeks since we made the decision, and nothing much has changed. House has not sold, no new job for either of us, I shouldn't say nothing has changed. The stress level, she keeps going up!
Monday, April 2, 2012
Palm Sunday
Yesterday our church service was beautiful. It really was. The choir, bell choir and a group of local musicians performed a bluegrass mass. It was unusual and amazing. We are very lucky to live in small college town with truly talented musicians performing at our church every Sunday. But this was incredible even for them. At one point during the bells' section, my heart literally moved with the music.
But... it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I wanted a sermon. I wanted to hear my minister give his thoughts on Palm Sunday on April Fool's day. It can't happen very often. Both days are simply made up days, we all know that. The calendar is our way of trying to organize God's time. But it seems strangely appropriate to me.
When I taught in North Carolina, a student told me "fool" was the worst thing you could call a person and his grandma would "get after me" for saying it. But we are fools, aren't we? So often we think we are in charge of our lives, but we're not. Even those who don't believe, have to admit, we are not really in charge of our destiny. We make choices and pick paths, but powers outside of our control can turn everything on its head.
Friday, March 16, 2012
Is it okay if I tape this conversation?
For obvious reasons, I can't get into details, but oh ladie, it was a week!
I was in a meeting this afternoon during which my student teacher made the statement above. Honestly I was fine with the conversation being taped. But, wow, don't know if I would ever have the balls to walk in and say that. Again, can't really get into it, but she has demonstrated some serious boundary issues as well as poor planning and has not done a great job in the classroom. All in all having a student teacher, has not been what I expected.
This is actually my second student teacher. The first guy was nice enough, but he had no intention of teaching. He was getting a degree in special education and then was going to school for school psychology. Again, nice guy, did a fine job, but felt a bit like a waste of my time.
But this, this has been something else all together. But she will be teaching next week. And I will be writing more often, shouldn't be too hard.
I was in a meeting this afternoon during which my student teacher made the statement above. Honestly I was fine with the conversation being taped. But, wow, don't know if I would ever have the balls to walk in and say that. Again, can't really get into it, but she has demonstrated some serious boundary issues as well as poor planning and has not done a great job in the classroom. All in all having a student teacher, has not been what I expected.
This is actually my second student teacher. The first guy was nice enough, but he had no intention of teaching. He was getting a degree in special education and then was going to school for school psychology. Again, nice guy, did a fine job, but felt a bit like a waste of my time.
But this, this has been something else all together. But she will be teaching next week. And I will be writing more often, shouldn't be too hard.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Tomorrow
Tomorrow I will fold the clean laundry strewn around the basement. Tomorrow I will wash the dishes and start cleaning out closets. I will organize the summer calendar, make some calls for Pampered Chef and maybe even go into school for a bit to clean my room. Tomorrow I will go the grocery store for more than a gallon of milk or a six pack of beer.
Tomorrow I will worry about those things, because today we buried my sister. Ever the drama queen, Cali died soon after midnight on May 14th, 2011. One year and one day after our mother passed. My sister J.J had arrived a couple hours before Cali died. J.J. brought with her her newborn daughter. They placed the baby in Cali's arms and I'm told Cali looked at the baby with an expression of sheer joy.
It seems the circle of life is very apparent in my family. Rarely do we mourn the passing of one family member without rejoicing at the birth of another. It is hard to believe Joni is gone. I've given all my family members nicknames on my blog in case someone outside starts reading me and my sisters have not asked for this attention. But today I will say her name. Today I mourn my sister Joni. When I was eight years old, she handed me The Little House on the Praire book. That day I read a book for pleasure for the first time. I have never stopped. I am an English teacher and she handed me my first book.
Good bye Joni. I love you.
Tomorrow I will worry about those things, because today we buried my sister. Ever the drama queen, Cali died soon after midnight on May 14th, 2011. One year and one day after our mother passed. My sister J.J had arrived a couple hours before Cali died. J.J. brought with her her newborn daughter. They placed the baby in Cali's arms and I'm told Cali looked at the baby with an expression of sheer joy.
It seems the circle of life is very apparent in my family. Rarely do we mourn the passing of one family member without rejoicing at the birth of another. It is hard to believe Joni is gone. I've given all my family members nicknames on my blog in case someone outside starts reading me and my sisters have not asked for this attention. But today I will say her name. Today I mourn my sister Joni. When I was eight years old, she handed me The Little House on the Praire book. That day I read a book for pleasure for the first time. I have never stopped. I am an English teacher and she handed me my first book.
Good bye Joni. I love you.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Take my breath away
I've been reading and hearing a lot lately about "mindfulness" or meditation. I've tried meditating, I even went to a lesson on meditation with the youth group at church a couple years ago. I'm not very good at it. I know you are not suppose to say that. I know you are suppose to recognize your "monkey brain" and pull back to your breathing or something like that. I am all monkey brain all over the place, planning supper, wondering what other people are thinking and wanting to itch my nose. But by the fourth time this weekend I heard something about being present in the moment, I wanted to say to God, "Okay, I hear you! I'll try!"
So the other day I stopped by church and sat in the empty sanctuary. The minister invited us to use the space for listening to God. I decided that sounded like a good idea as it's really hard for me to just sit at home, there are dishes to wash and laundry to fold there. At church I could sit without feeling *too* guilty about it. I actually journaled while I sat there because just sitting was too scary. But still I figured it was a move towards it. It was nice, it was relaxing. I didn't yell at my kids much that night. Maybe it helped.
When Jon was a baby, I bought a lullaby cd (I know, monkey brain alert! I promise I will bring it all together). I picked it up in Borders to mock it, it is a Martha Stewart lullaby cd. I looked at it already to be all "really Martha, you do cds now?" Then I noticed the first song was Eva Cassidy singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," hmmm love the singer and love the song. Another track was "Closer to You" sung by Bare Naked Ladies, hmmm. So I bought it and we've loved it ever since. 
Yesterday was a snow day, (seriously, it's all going to come together!) I spent most of the day cleaning and doing laundry. I almost caught up with everything for once.
Then it was nap time for Hope. I was rocking her in her room with the "Sleepy time" cd on and suddenly, I was totally in the moment. The song "Take my Breath Away," was playing and Hope was looking at me with those big eyes and the moment seemed to expand and fold into it's self. It was beautiful.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Gifts
It's January 13th, probably time I post my Christmas post, hmm?
At one point, I mentioned to OM(old man) and a couple friends that I wanted to just skip Christmas this year. Much as I skipped Mother's Day. Of course, I didn't. But it was the first Christmas without my mom and probably Sister Cali's last Christmas. Not exactly cause for celebration. But it was also Hope's first Christmas, and Jon's 10th and Joey's 7th and they deserved a Christmas. And as Sister Jill put it, skipping Christmas wouldn't make next year's any easier. We need to live our lives. Sister Cali had already decided she'd come to the Large City to the North over New Years weekend and my side of the family would go up there to celebrate. So we went to North Carolina for Christmas with OM's family. His brother and SIL live in Durham with their two 3 year olds (not twins, I'll tell that story some other time).
The season was better than I could have hoped for because of some wonderful gifts. Some gifts were tangible, like the beautiful mother's ring OM gave me, but most were not.
Christmas Eve service - Just Hope and I went. OM and Jon were not feeling great. Our church does a very traditional candle lit service with the old carols. I sat up in the balcony holding Hope and cried. I cried in grief for my mom and Sister Cali and for my cousins who lost their dads this year. But I also cried in wonderment at the beauty in the church and the beauty of the little girl in my arms. It was a healing cry. When the lights came back on, I could belt out "Joy to the World".
My In Laws - I don't talk to my BIL or SIL often through out the year, it's easy to forget how much I enjoy their company. Even if I were not related to them, I would totally choose to spend time with them. We stayed at their house for 6 days. MIL and UIL (uncle in law) were also there for parts of our stay. I never felt like a bother to BIL or SIL. In fact, I felt welcomed and taken care of. I helped with dishes and cooking occasionally, I picked up some, and took care of Hopester. But for the most part I sat and listened and talked and felt valued just for being there. My BIL cracks me up. And his sense of humor is so similar to OM's. Sometimes I forget how funny my husband is, it took his brother to remind me. And my SIL asks questions, great questions, and then really listens to my answers. I hope they realize how much I value them.
Water slides - My side of the family stayed a hotel with a small water park. I went down the tube slide just before my dad. I watched him come off it and grin, a huge grin. It was good to see him so happy even for a moment. He is not a very demonstrative man just pure happy grins are rare.
My sister's daughter in law - Cali's husband was 20 years older. He had two daughters from previous marriages. One daughter lives next door to Cali, she joined Cali and Cali's son to the Midwest. She is such a blessing to us all.
Late nights - Starting when I was in college the best part of home visits were the late night gabs. Mom and Dad would be in bed and the siblings would sit up and talk. During those times, I started feeling like an adult not just a little sister. Loved it. Looking back, I have to wonder about Mom. She always had a crazy sleep schedule and loved to be in the middle of those things. I wonder if she really went to bed because she was tired or if she was giving us the chance to bond in ways we could with our parents around. I'm probably over thinking things. At any rate I've always treasured the time. Over the years, some spouses have joined in and others go to bed early. The first night the siblings talked, but Cali was not staying awake and it wasn't quite right. But the second night she'd gotten her wind and it was right. It was just the siblings and the two oldest grandkiddos (19 & 17) and we talked and we laughed and it was right.
At one point, I mentioned to OM(old man) and a couple friends that I wanted to just skip Christmas this year. Much as I skipped Mother's Day. Of course, I didn't. But it was the first Christmas without my mom and probably Sister Cali's last Christmas. Not exactly cause for celebration. But it was also Hope's first Christmas, and Jon's 10th and Joey's 7th and they deserved a Christmas. And as Sister Jill put it, skipping Christmas wouldn't make next year's any easier. We need to live our lives. Sister Cali had already decided she'd come to the Large City to the North over New Years weekend and my side of the family would go up there to celebrate. So we went to North Carolina for Christmas with OM's family. His brother and SIL live in Durham with their two 3 year olds (not twins, I'll tell that story some other time).
The season was better than I could have hoped for because of some wonderful gifts. Some gifts were tangible, like the beautiful mother's ring OM gave me, but most were not.
Christmas Eve service - Just Hope and I went. OM and Jon were not feeling great. Our church does a very traditional candle lit service with the old carols. I sat up in the balcony holding Hope and cried. I cried in grief for my mom and Sister Cali and for my cousins who lost their dads this year. But I also cried in wonderment at the beauty in the church and the beauty of the little girl in my arms. It was a healing cry. When the lights came back on, I could belt out "Joy to the World".
My In Laws - I don't talk to my BIL or SIL often through out the year, it's easy to forget how much I enjoy their company. Even if I were not related to them, I would totally choose to spend time with them. We stayed at their house for 6 days. MIL and UIL (uncle in law) were also there for parts of our stay. I never felt like a bother to BIL or SIL. In fact, I felt welcomed and taken care of. I helped with dishes and cooking occasionally, I picked up some, and took care of Hopester. But for the most part I sat and listened and talked and felt valued just for being there. My BIL cracks me up. And his sense of humor is so similar to OM's. Sometimes I forget how funny my husband is, it took his brother to remind me. And my SIL asks questions, great questions, and then really listens to my answers. I hope they realize how much I value them.
Water slides - My side of the family stayed a hotel with a small water park. I went down the tube slide just before my dad. I watched him come off it and grin, a huge grin. It was good to see him so happy even for a moment. He is not a very demonstrative man just pure happy grins are rare.
My sister's daughter in law - Cali's husband was 20 years older. He had two daughters from previous marriages. One daughter lives next door to Cali, she joined Cali and Cali's son to the Midwest. She is such a blessing to us all.
Late nights - Starting when I was in college the best part of home visits were the late night gabs. Mom and Dad would be in bed and the siblings would sit up and talk. During those times, I started feeling like an adult not just a little sister. Loved it. Looking back, I have to wonder about Mom. She always had a crazy sleep schedule and loved to be in the middle of those things. I wonder if she really went to bed because she was tired or if she was giving us the chance to bond in ways we could with our parents around. I'm probably over thinking things. At any rate I've always treasured the time. Over the years, some spouses have joined in and others go to bed early. The first night the siblings talked, but Cali was not staying awake and it wasn't quite right. But the second night she'd gotten her wind and it was right. It was just the siblings and the two oldest grandkiddos (19 & 17) and we talked and we laughed and it was right.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Priorities
I have a post started about Christmas Eve. I could easily write 7 posts about Christmas break, but later I will write one to sum it up because I don't have time to write 7 posts.
That is the subject of this post. "I don't have time." Seriously, I want to write. I want to be a writer, but I don't have time. I know that sounds like a crock. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. I know it's a matter of priorities, but what exactly do I knock off my priority list to add regular writing? The kids? My students/my job? Dishes, laundry? Grading? My husband?
I don't exercise. When I met with my doctor about taking an antidepressant (i.e. my crazy pill) and then with my minister about everything going on, they both suggested I see a counselor. I agree, anyone who has had the last year I have could benefit from counseling, but when?
When I talked to my minister I was also telling him I needed to step down from my volunteering with the youth group. I loved it, but something had to give. I used to attend an adult faith discussion once a week, loved it. Haven't been since the October before last. I do go to church almost every Sunday and go to book club once a month. It needs to be pretty serious to keep me from book club. I also "chit chat" at school sometimes when I should be grading and I spend a significant amount of time on the phone with a sister or other. But I process things by talking and I've had a few things to process lately. If I shared all I need to get out with my OM (Old Man) his head would blow up. Besides I'm rarely just talking on the phone, I'm usually breast feeding or pumping, doing the dishes or folding laundry while I'm talking.
You'll notice I didn't put sleep on my list to give up. That is not an option. Me getting any less sleep than I currently have been is very counter productive to my home life and my work. I've tried it. And I do read everyday. That's not going anywhere. I read every night before going to sleep and spare moments through out the day, while eating breakfast, breast feeding, on the toilet, doctor offices, during silent reading at school among other times and places. I even used to read at stop lights. A fender bender 12 years ago stopped that! Giving reading up is also counter productive. Some of my reading is for school and it builds my writing, I'm sure. But most of all, I am a bitch if I don't have a novel or memoir going.
I sat down to write this post a couple hours ago. OM had taken the guys over to his mom's empty house to watch the Oregon Ducks on her cable. It was just Hope and me home. I decided to ignore the dirty dishes in the sink as well as the clean laundry all over the floor. I wasn't going to sort through the bills or finish addressing the Christmas Cards (yes, I know it's January 10th, I'm still going to send them out! I spent the money on the damn things). I wasn't going finish grading the quiz my students' took of Friday. No, I was going to write this post come heck or high water... or poop. I had written less then a paragraph when I realized Hope was poopy. sigh. I changed her and went back to write two more paragraphs when OM and the guys came home. They couldn't get MIL's tv to work.
So here it is, 11:03 and I am finally finishing this post. It may not be my greatest writing, but it's about to be published. Because I've got to go brush my teeth, take my crazy pill, read a little and go to sleep. Tomorrow's another busy, busy day.
That is the subject of this post. "I don't have time." Seriously, I want to write. I want to be a writer, but I don't have time. I know that sounds like a crock. We all have the same 24 hours in a day. I know it's a matter of priorities, but what exactly do I knock off my priority list to add regular writing? The kids? My students/my job? Dishes, laundry? Grading? My husband?
I don't exercise. When I met with my doctor about taking an antidepressant (i.e. my crazy pill) and then with my minister about everything going on, they both suggested I see a counselor. I agree, anyone who has had the last year I have could benefit from counseling, but when?
When I talked to my minister I was also telling him I needed to step down from my volunteering with the youth group. I loved it, but something had to give. I used to attend an adult faith discussion once a week, loved it. Haven't been since the October before last. I do go to church almost every Sunday and go to book club once a month. It needs to be pretty serious to keep me from book club. I also "chit chat" at school sometimes when I should be grading and I spend a significant amount of time on the phone with a sister or other. But I process things by talking and I've had a few things to process lately. If I shared all I need to get out with my OM (Old Man) his head would blow up. Besides I'm rarely just talking on the phone, I'm usually breast feeding or pumping, doing the dishes or folding laundry while I'm talking.
You'll notice I didn't put sleep on my list to give up. That is not an option. Me getting any less sleep than I currently have been is very counter productive to my home life and my work. I've tried it. And I do read everyday. That's not going anywhere. I read every night before going to sleep and spare moments through out the day, while eating breakfast, breast feeding, on the toilet, doctor offices, during silent reading at school among other times and places. I even used to read at stop lights. A fender bender 12 years ago stopped that! Giving reading up is also counter productive. Some of my reading is for school and it builds my writing, I'm sure. But most of all, I am a bitch if I don't have a novel or memoir going.
I sat down to write this post a couple hours ago. OM had taken the guys over to his mom's empty house to watch the Oregon Ducks on her cable. It was just Hope and me home. I decided to ignore the dirty dishes in the sink as well as the clean laundry all over the floor. I wasn't going to sort through the bills or finish addressing the Christmas Cards (yes, I know it's January 10th, I'm still going to send them out! I spent the money on the damn things). I wasn't going finish grading the quiz my students' took of Friday. No, I was going to write this post come heck or high water... or poop. I had written less then a paragraph when I realized Hope was poopy. sigh. I changed her and went back to write two more paragraphs when OM and the guys came home. They couldn't get MIL's tv to work.
So here it is, 11:03 and I am finally finishing this post. It may not be my greatest writing, but it's about to be published. Because I've got to go brush my teeth, take my crazy pill, read a little and go to sleep. Tomorrow's another busy, busy day.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
The Eve of Christmas Eve
Happy almost Christmas Eve! We are traveling on Christmas Day again (well, that's the plan anyway. It is snowing pretty hard right now so we will see.) The guys opened most their gifts from us on Saturday. Hope did too, she loves her Leapster Violet, but she obviously doesn't get it yet. I didn't want them to open the gifts quite so early, but I haven't been up to fighting about much lately which is also why we are flying out Christmas Day. The guys convinced Jim to let them open their gifts last week when Grandma Z came over with her gifts. We are all going to be together in NC, but why bring all the gifts out there to open and then haul them back? Makes no sense, so last year and this year we had a family Christmas with Grandma Nancy and then another with the rest of the fam in NC. The guys really wanted to open their gifts from us that day so they could play with them before we left. And I gave in.
My mom's birthday was Christmas Day, have I ever mentioned that? My birthday is the 18th of December, exactly a week before Mom's. When I was a kid, Mom did a good job of recognizing my birthday as equally as she did everyone else's. JJ's birthday is December 27, I think she would say the same thing. Not that birthdays were huge at our house. We would get a gift or two, a birthday cake, and the day off from any chores. I remember having friends over night in the middle of the summer since it never worked to have them overnight in December. I really don't remember feeling short shifted as a kid. As an adult, it's been a little different since there is always some commitment I HAVE to attend, Christmas pageant, extended family celebration, work party, always something.
Last year was different though. Jim and the guys had already flown to NC. I couldn't leave yet because my contract does not allow me to take personal days before a holiday break. So I spent a couple days alone in my house. Just me and Hope and she was still inside, I was 16 weeks or so pregnant. I adore my family, but a couple of days alone in my house was wonderful! I actually had my grades turned in early (first and only time that has happened). My birthday was the last day of school before break. I watched movies with my students; some gave me gifts. I left work at noon to meet Mom and Dad at Mom's favorite Chinese restaurant here in town. Then Dad dropped Mom and me off at my doctor's office. He did some Christmas shopping at Wal-mart while Mom went to my regular check up with me. It was just one of those quick check ins, but Mom got to hear the baby's heartbeat. She got a kick out of that, as far as I know, Hope is the only grandchild whose heartbeat she heard in vitro.
The Mom and Dad drove me to the city to the north and dropped me off at the airport. I started a new book on the flight, I flew all alone. My hubby picked me up at the NC airport and I got to see my guys before going to bed.
It was probably my best "adult" birthday. It was also the last "normal" day I spent with my mom.
My mom's birthday was Christmas Day, have I ever mentioned that? My birthday is the 18th of December, exactly a week before Mom's. When I was a kid, Mom did a good job of recognizing my birthday as equally as she did everyone else's. JJ's birthday is December 27, I think she would say the same thing. Not that birthdays were huge at our house. We would get a gift or two, a birthday cake, and the day off from any chores. I remember having friends over night in the middle of the summer since it never worked to have them overnight in December. I really don't remember feeling short shifted as a kid. As an adult, it's been a little different since there is always some commitment I HAVE to attend, Christmas pageant, extended family celebration, work party, always something.
Last year was different though. Jim and the guys had already flown to NC. I couldn't leave yet because my contract does not allow me to take personal days before a holiday break. So I spent a couple days alone in my house. Just me and Hope and she was still inside, I was 16 weeks or so pregnant. I adore my family, but a couple of days alone in my house was wonderful! I actually had my grades turned in early (first and only time that has happened). My birthday was the last day of school before break. I watched movies with my students; some gave me gifts. I left work at noon to meet Mom and Dad at Mom's favorite Chinese restaurant here in town. Then Dad dropped Mom and me off at my doctor's office. He did some Christmas shopping at Wal-mart while Mom went to my regular check up with me. It was just one of those quick check ins, but Mom got to hear the baby's heartbeat. She got a kick out of that, as far as I know, Hope is the only grandchild whose heartbeat she heard in vitro.
The Mom and Dad drove me to the city to the north and dropped me off at the airport. I started a new book on the flight, I flew all alone. My hubby picked me up at the NC airport and I got to see my guys before going to bed.
It was probably my best "adult" birthday. It was also the last "normal" day I spent with my mom.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A day for me
I took Thursday off from work just because I needed a day. I felt like I was drowning both at home and at work and I just... needed...a...day. I felt a bit guilty. Cali is not doing well (another post I can't even think of starting right now) and I will definitely be going out to California at least once if not twice in the next couple months and I feel bad just taking a random day off, but I needed it.
It was a lovely day. I had to get up to take the guys to school and Hope to daycare. Yes, I was home and I took Hope to daycare. As I said, I needed a day. I'm glad I had to get up to take them, it would have been easy to sleep the day away. I cleaned my kitchen, cleared off counters that haven't seen sunlight in a loonngg time. Didn't get into the cupboards, maybe next time. My MIL came over and we did some on line shopping. Up to that point, I'd bought one thing for Christmas.
I got to drink coffee and watch The View. I did some organizing, some laundry, and talked to my sister Jill while I was doing it. I picked up the kiddos early and we went to the biggish city to the south and had their picture taken with Santa. And we did some shopping together, always an adventure. The guys had appointments with JJ, who happens to be their occupational therapist. Afterwords we went the her house. Her son G and Joey are bestest friends, I think Joe was more excited to have supper at their house than he was about seeing Santa.
One area I organized was my recipe drawer. You have one of those right? When I find a recipe I like, I tear it out of the magazine, or whatever, and through it in the drawer. I decided I wanted to store something else in the current recipe drawer. If I was going to empty the drawer, I may as well organize it. So I filled a 3 ring binder with page protectors and I started sorting!
Besides the magazine recipes, there were some printed from on-line sources, and some handwritten. Mostly written in my quick scrawl, but some were in my mom's neat cursive. She had really beautiful handwriting. Mine can be neat if I take the time, but Mom's was always lovely. She didn't write often, I think the fact that several of her daughters were English majors was bewildering to her. She was proud of us, but it was not something she could imagine doing. So finding the recipe cards touched my heart.
It was a lovely day. I had to get up to take the guys to school and Hope to daycare. Yes, I was home and I took Hope to daycare. As I said, I needed a day. I'm glad I had to get up to take them, it would have been easy to sleep the day away. I cleaned my kitchen, cleared off counters that haven't seen sunlight in a loonngg time. Didn't get into the cupboards, maybe next time. My MIL came over and we did some on line shopping. Up to that point, I'd bought one thing for Christmas.
I got to drink coffee and watch The View. I did some organizing, some laundry, and talked to my sister Jill while I was doing it. I picked up the kiddos early and we went to the biggish city to the south and had their picture taken with Santa. And we did some shopping together, always an adventure. The guys had appointments with JJ, who happens to be their occupational therapist. Afterwords we went the her house. Her son G and Joey are bestest friends, I think Joe was more excited to have supper at their house than he was about seeing Santa.
One area I organized was my recipe drawer. You have one of those right? When I find a recipe I like, I tear it out of the magazine, or whatever, and through it in the drawer. I decided I wanted to store something else in the current recipe drawer. If I was going to empty the drawer, I may as well organize it. So I filled a 3 ring binder with page protectors and I started sorting!
Besides the magazine recipes, there were some printed from on-line sources, and some handwritten. Mostly written in my quick scrawl, but some were in my mom's neat cursive. She had really beautiful handwriting. Mine can be neat if I take the time, but Mom's was always lovely. She didn't write often, I think the fact that several of her daughters were English majors was bewildering to her. She was proud of us, but it was not something she could imagine doing. So finding the recipe cards touched my heart.
Mom baked a lot. I guess she enjoyed it, although I think it was more about enjoying the eating part. When I was growing up, we almost always had some kind of baked good in the house, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, no egg chocolate cake, or some such thing. I thought everyone did. Mom didn't get real fancy with her baking, some time she frosted the brownies, but often not. I only remember decorating cookies together a time or two when I was growing up. Maybe she did it more with the older kids. She was pretty busy after the last four were born in less than four years. I think she also baked when we were all at home because her simple brownies and cookies were cheaper than snacks at the store. We had a sweet for bedtime snack almost every night growing up.
As we got older, she still baked, although not as often. But if she came to my house to care for my kiddos she almost always baked with them. She didn't bake with me often growing up. I remember when Mom decided it was time for me to learn to bake. She got all the ingredients out, showed me where the measuring utensils were, handed me the recipe, and left the room. She told me to holler if I needed help, but it she stayed in the room she would end up taking over for me. Mom knew her strengths, and teaching baking wasn't one of them. Nor was teaching driving, but that's a story for another time.
I fancy myself to be a domestic goddess. I'm not, but I fancy myself to be. I will go months without touching my Kitchen Aid mixer, except to make my much loved pizza dough. But then occasional I will go crazy with the baking. I always make homemade cinnamon rolls on snow days. Again, Mom was a bit bemused about my desire for from scratch deserts. Last December I was planning how to make cinnamon rolls for the family at our Christmas gathering and Mom responded with, "You can just buy those you know!" Man I miss that woman!
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