Doughnut anyone?

So it is January 28th, and I'm doing alright by my New Year resolutions, if we can gauge it that way. Most people, including me, tend to think of resolutions as an all or nothing type of thing. Either you follow them or you don't, the morning you miss your first workout, take a bite of the doughnut, make an impulse purchase, you have wrecked it. To hell with it, might as well eat the whole dozen doughnuts. I am actively fighting that viewpoint. I heard an "expert" once, I think on Oprah, who said every bite is a decision. It kinda changed my life. Well, not all at once, but it really made me think. I took a bite of a doughnut, now what? Do I eat the rest of the thing, or do I say, "Oops," and get on with my life. Not really sure why I making this about doughnuts, I'm not actually a big fan. Give me chocolate any day of the week! But let's say the doughnut in questions has 240 calories (I'll looked that up, regular glazed) well, what do you think, 10 bites per doughnut? So one bite would have 24 calories. I'm not saying you should go out and eat one bite, I'm saying if you do, don't beat yourself up about it. If you missed this mornings workout, go tomorrow, or walk in the afternoon. If you bought something you shouldn't have, take it back! Or just resolve to stay out of the store tomorrow!

Now there are some all or nothings, some alcoholics really can't have a drink. And one (big) bite of a doughnut could do damage to a person's blood sugar. And if the one thing you bought yesterday, was a car, you got some problems, honey! But for the most part a little slip doesn't need to be the end of the story.

So I have not blogged every weekday in January, by a long shot, but I have more days than any previous month. My house is NOT company ready at anytime, but the bathrooms have been cleanish almost every night. And money is still an issue, and it will be for awhile. But I am so proud of OM and I. We sat down on Sunday and looked at where we've spent our money in the last three months. Then we actually planned how to spend our money this month. It still looks like there will be more month than money, but we are doing what we can and hoping for the best. And we did not fight about it, we talked. So proud!

Shut the door

I did end up taking Lu to her doctor appointment on Thursday. It literally took the cooperation of 5 adults besides myself and OM, but I got her there!
I enjoy driving on (clear and non-icy) country roads, I love to talk, and I adore Lu. So talking to her while I drove many an hour was not a shabby way to spend a day. She slept some and I was alone from my house to hers and on the way back. So I listened to quite a bit of Suze Orman. I loved her statement "Live in your truth," but that's a convo for another time.

Lu has been diagnosed with Familial Hypertriglyceridemia, basically genetic high triglycerides. In the course of finding out the best care and feeding for Lu (low fat, no simple sugars. No diuretics, beta blockers, Estrogen, or Antipsychotics for her! Unless she really needs them. and of course, no alcohol.) I asked about her siblings, ie me, the others too, but what can I do to prevent pancreatitis, it did not appear to be an enjoyable event in her life and I'd rather avoid it. We should have our cholesterol done annually and pay close attention to our triglycerides. And it wouldn't hurt to watch the mentioned issues.

Lu's illness shut some doors for me. The biggest one is directly related to Estrogen. OM has been positive Hope is our last child since before she was born. I agreed, in theory. My pregnancy with her was not so easy, I'm 37 and OM is 44, and we never have any money. And mostly OM was done, didn't even want to consider another child. I know it wouldn't be fair to him, or the child for that matter to push another baby on him. btw OM is an incredible dad, please believe me here, the man is willing to get up at 6:30 and read The Lord of the Rings to his kids since he is now working nights. He adores Hope, it is wonderful to watch. But he doesn't want any more. I agreed with him, but it was hard for me to admit my baby making and having days are over. (well, not the act, you know what I mean!) I've always agreed with my sister Jill, birth control is letting God know my thoughts on the matter. Ultimately it's up to God, and I was kinda hoping the IUD wouldn't work as well as it should. I've known it to happen.

But, now I feel differently. I am done having children, unless God decides differently, but I (mostly) hope not. I think there will always be a part of me that will yearn when holding a little one, a part that will look wistfully at a round belly. But my belly won't be round again, at least not with a baby. There are many factors in this decision, some listed above and some not. A big one is sister Cali's death in her forties, and now Lu's near miss in her late forties. I plan on being around a good long time, but I don't feel comfortable bringing another life in if I'm not long for this world. I know I'm being melodramatic, this is simply an (early) mid-life crisis, but I also know this decision is right.

Of course, I have Mirena IUD which is releasing a synthetic of Estrogen as we speak. So I guess I need to make a couple doctor appointments, one for me, one for OM.

quick a minute

I don't have much time so I'm just going to write "quick a minute", I think my mom used to use that turn of phrase, but I'm not actually sure.

I am going to take Lu to her doctor appointment tomorrow, yippee! So I'm driving 2 hours tonight to her house. Sleeping there, tomorrow I'll drive 2 1/2 hours to the city to the north. Her appointments are at 11 and 2, then I'll drive her home and drive back here. Long day, but spent with one of my favorite people in the world and for a great cause: )

I have already shined my sink (shone my sink?). As always dressed to lace up shoes and read day four "Write down steps so far on a sticky note. Stick it on your mirror". If I haven't heard from my bro-in-law after I finish this post I will write them down. If not, I'll do it tomorrow, really.

I'm almost finished listening to The Total Money Makeover. I'm picking up Suze Orman's The Money Class on my way out of town. Listening to financial books works VERY well for me. Especially in the car, I'm stuck there and they've been engaging so far. I don't think we will ever be "cheetah intense" with our budget, but I think there was a lot of good advice. Nothing shockingly new, but now time to implement!

Damn noneffective wood knocking!

Last week at Target, I glibly mentioned, "My family has been exposed to the flu several times, and we haven't gotten it, knock on wood!" And then I would, indeed knock on wood. Apparently knocking on wood is not an effective preventative measure for influenza, who know? Please don't answer that.

So I didn't write yesterday, but fiscally and Flyladily it was a good day for me. Not for the whole family, apparently OM and I need to discuss what "absolute necessity" means. Hint, not a 2 liter of Coke Zero AND Root Beer. Although, I read Peace like a River earlier this winter (highly recommend it!) And at one point the family was broke, really broke and in my head I'm thinking, "Yeah, yeah, they're broke, too early in the book for anyone to starve, they'll be fine." And then some miracle money came in (shocker) and they bought coffee. Coffee, they didn't have enough money for coffee, damn, that would suck! For some reason, that hit harder than other books' tales of desperation and hunger. Coffee is an "absolute necessity". But I do want to make clear, I mean coffee made in our own kitchen and currently made from beans we grind, usually big name beans, that may need to change soon, insert sad face here.

Spent no money yesterday, shined my sink and followed Day 2 suggestion on Flylady.com, dress to shoes, no problem as I had to work and tend to wear lace up shoes around the house anyway. Today I needed to get some groceries, OM had picked up a few things on Monday, but missed milk and coffee, so another trip was a necessity. He was home all day with a sick Hope(damn noneffective wood knocking!) I did pretty good, considering I had the guys with me, but made a few oops purchases. Chocolate is a necessity for me, I don't need much but I'm changing a lot right now, let me have my c beans (chocolate and coffee). But Lindor truffles, even on sale, are not a necessity especially when there are M&Ms in the house.

Yesterday, I stopped at the library, carrying an almost, kinda healthy Hope. Her fever wasn't over a hundred yet, but I could see it was coming. I didn't let her touch anything! Anyhoo, I borrowed a couple books and an audio book on money management, because if you have a problem, there's a book for that! The audio book is a Dave Ramsey's "The Total Money Makeover". I've heard a ton about him, but this was the first time I'd listened to him. A bit abrasive for my taste, but not bad. He started by talking about having to pay bills back before he went through his bankruptcy and saw the error in his ways. And he said, "I didn't feel like some powerful adult; instead I felt like a little boy inside me who was very afraid - afraid of this month's bills..."hmm, that sounds very familiar.

Grow up already!

I cried on my 27th birthday. My oldest sister, Lu, had her first child when she was 27 and somehow that seemed a "grown up age". I thought when I turned 27, I would be an adult. Never mind I had MY first child at 25, I thought 27 was the magical, mystical age when I would be a (deep voice here) grown up. So when I checked the mail on my 27th birthday and found an insufficient funds notice from my bank, I cried. I was not a grown up, I may have been a professional, married, home owning, mother, but I was not a grown up. Grown ups didn't bounce checks, grown ups didn't hold their breath when giving a credit card to a sales person. And grown ups keep their house reasonable clean for heavens sake!

Ten years have passed. Many things have changed, two more kiddos, loss of several family members, and thanks to check plus, I haven't actually bounced a check in years. But I am still struggling with many of the same issues. I'm still not a good steward of my money or my home and I'm sick of it! There have been improvements, haven't used a credit card in over 2 years. OM has, but not much, unfortunately not using credit cards, doesn't erase the old debt, darn it. And I've read, and read, and read on the subjects of organization and money management. I bought my first Suze Orman book in college and my first Organize from the Inside Out soon after graduating. I'm like one of those overweight people who can tell you how many calories in every food and exactly how much exercises is needed to burn off every bite. I know a ton of the advice and tricks, but can't seem to consistently implement them into my budget and my house. My budget, ha! I have a beautiful googledocs spreadsheet put together with all the monthly bills imputed and my Mint.com account is up to date, well, kinda. The last couple months transactions are broken into categories and there is a pretty little pie chart. But before that about half the chart is "Uncategorized".

I subscribed to www.flylady.net soon after my second son was born. Flylady has inspired some changes, I make my bed every morning, wear lace up shoes at home, and can crisis clean like nobody's business. And most importantly, I hear from other (mostly) women who have the same struggles I have. I'm sure more women I know in RL deal with some of these issues, but we don't talk about it much. Several women I know and love have messy homes, and they've decided they are okay with it, for now. I'm not, I never feel like I can relax completely when my home is a mess and Flylady's group showed me there are others like me. But, and this is a huge but, my house and finances are still a mess and I'm sick of it! And I really hate that I spend way too much of my time dealing with messes and not playing with my kiddos. And I spend a ton of time nagging them to clean. I want them to be able to keep a house together and still have a life they love. I want them to be able to budget and afford what they need and some of what they want.

So, I'm committing follow Flylady's 31 days all the way through and set up a budget and actually follow it. I'm going to track my progress, good and bad on this blog. I'm even, gulp, going to share my little hiding place on the web with some friends in hopes they can keep me honest.

Day One - My sink is shining and I bought only diapers and milk at Target. I did fine tune my spreadsheet. I also unpacked a couple boxes and did about four loads of wash and folded a couple others that had been sitting around. They have not been put away. But I'm heading to bed as Go to bed early is another Flylady commandment.
I snuggled with all three kiddo at different times, OM too. And I read "Guess How Much I Love You" to Hope.

Analysis This

We special education teachers are a different sort. People tell me all the time, "oh I could never do your job; it takes a special person." I'm not sure why that statement annoys me, but it does. I guess I figure we are all special, and there are MANY jobs I could never do. Anyhoo, kinda got of topic. Back to sped teachers being unique. It is a blessing and a curse, I watch my own kiddos very closely and see "issues" many others would probably never notice. It can drive you insane, but it can help your kids get the help they need. Or if you are brave, help friends' children get the help they need, but THAT can be dicey very quickly.
As a special ed teacher, the importance of documentation is drilled into one's head early in one's career as well as the need to have measurable goals. One can't just write "Student will behave better in class," what does "behave" mean? Throwing pencils in class is one type of behavior, is that what's intended? How was the student behaving? How often? What exactly is better?
One "tool" used to improve documentation and goal setting is task analysis. A teacher or other profession examines the task the student needs to master and breaks it down step by step.

I think I am going to write a task analysis for my children (not the 2 year old)

How to take a shower
1. Gather towel and clothing to wear after the shower (clothing could be pajamas)
2. Use the toilet 
3. Flush & put down lid of toilet
4. Place clothing or pajamas on lid of toilet
5. Place towel on closest towel bar
6. Insure there is a bath mat or other towel on the floor, if not put one there!
7. Turn on the vent
8. Undress
9. Then, and only then, turn water on and adjust to your liking
10. Get in shower stall
11. Make sure to CLOSE the shower curtain
12. Step into water stream, getting hair and complete body wet
13. Step back from stream
14. Use Purpose soap to wash face, rinse
15. Use YOUR soap/shampoo and lather your hair
16. Continue using YOUR soap/shampoo to lather body concentrating on places your skin touches such as underarms and such
17. Step under water stream, rinse, starting with your hair and working down
18. Be sure to rinse places skin touches such as underarms, ect.
19. Turn off water (before it is cold!)
20. Then, and only then, open shower curtain and grab towel
21. Dry hair and body, again starting with hair and working down
22. Hang towel on rack
22. PUT ON DEODORANT!
23. Put on clothing, or pajamas
24. Then, and only then, leave the bathroom, grabbing dirty clothing
25. Place dirty clothing in the hamper
26. Double check to insure you put on deodorant
27. Enjoy being clean and stink free!

I maybe going a bit overboard.

A post in minor chord

I have a million posts started in my head, okay maybe not a million, but more than a few. But I don't have the energy to start a major post so I'm following http://flotsamblog.com/ and just going with three things off the top of my head and publishing.

1) My sister, Lu, is home from the hospital. So very excited, but nervous too. Last test I heard about showed little if any improvement in her pancreas, but they wouldn't send her home if it wasn't doing better, right? RIGHT?!? I'm also concerned she won't take care of herself. She is really good at taking care of others, but she needs to put herself on the TOP of the list.

2) Said sister called me today (minor yippee we normally talk almost everyday. I have really missed talking to her! okay maybe that was a major yippee.) Anyhoo, this sister who rarely asks me for help, asked me to take her daughter to a recheck at a specialist and I have to say no, I HATE it, but I need to take care of me and mine too. It would involve at least 8 hours of driving, a day off from both jobs, and probably over 24 hours away from my kiddos who I see very little of the way it is. Being a grown up sucks.

3) Seizures really suck. One of my students had one today and I hate them. They are scary to see and I know every seizure causes damage to the brain. And I wish they didn't exist.

Okay, I did my three, not going to make changes, just going to post, gulp

Workin hard for what?

I taught all day (well, 72% of the day) Thursday and Friday and then worked at Target from 4:30 to close (I was on the floor, so we close at 11, I don't get out until 11:30 to 12:30 depending on the mess and if we have to change the signs). I really don't mind either job, I tend to enjoy my time more often than hate it at both. Although there are points of wishing away the day at both. But I've had much worse jobs, I've also had jobs I've enjoyed more, but they aren't too bad.

But, oh my, can those hours make a mess of my house! Old Man is trying harder than he used to, but when I went back to school on Wednesday the house was mostly picked up, not truly clean, but I could open the door to company with only a little embarrassment. But Saturday morning I got up to a house where there were few, if any, calm places to lay my eyes. That is so disheartening to me. In my mind, I know I can't do everything, and I would rather sit and cuddle with my kiddos during my few hours off this weekend. But no, I spent most of the day cleaning Saturday, then worked 5:30 to 12:30. Today the guys had a wrestling tournament which took most the day. I spent a good portion of the evening cleaning, organizing, and folding the laundry I washed yesterday. I still feel behind, sigh.

A little catch up

I should provide a little info on my world as of now. We eventually sold our house in the Midwestern college town I loved. We planned on moving to Minneapolis, but alas, found no jobs. That was all sorts of fun, let me tell you. So, for about six weeks, we lived with my mother-in-law. Yes, my three children, husband and I lived with his mother who has lived alone for over 20 years, no stress there at all. Old Man was able to pick up a couple classes at the community college he'd taught at before and I subbed. It was a bit of a blow to the self esteem for both of us. I'd been quite confident, to the point of cocky, that I'D get a teaching job in MN, of course I would and it would pay so much better and be just wonderful! To walk back into my old school and get paid less to sub took a big swallow of the pride. But I did it and found subbing could be fun. Although subbing in a kindergarten room the second week of school was a lot of work! Those early elementary teacher work hard for their money! Give me 8th grade English any day!

A little more than a month into the school year, my brother called. He teaches adaptive pe in the largish city to the south. One of his middle school students was having a very hard time transitioning to the middle school. So hard the district was considering hiring a new teacher. Our sister, J.J., is an occupational therapist and she also knew the student. They both encouraged me to apply. I'd applied at his school district a couple times before, and had never even gotten an interview, but really had no other options, so I applied. And I got the job.

So, we moved in with J.J. and her family. Four adults and six kids ages 11 down to 1 in one house. An adventure of another sort! Although it went better than I'd have guessed. She knew someone who knew someone with a house to rent.

We are now renting a house about 8 blocks from her.  I'm teaching self-contained special education teacher with a 72% time contract so I am done (almost) every day by 2 and bringing home slightly more money a month than last year. Old Man is on his winter break, but starting January 15th he will be teaching three classes as well as tutoring writing. Still no benefits or security, but it's something. I started a seasonal job at Target(!) in November. In addition to a little extra cash, I get a 15% discount on all the crap I probably would have bought anyway. I told my kiddos, if you can't buy it at Target, don't bother asking for it for Christmas! They just asked me to stay on a couple days a week. I said yes, because who really wants to sleep anyway.

Kiddos have done really well with the transition. Me too, most the time. But I really miss my friends, especially those I could talk books with, and my job. I don't hate either of my current jobs, but I don't love them either. I really hope I can get back to an English classroom at some point!

Let's hear it for resolutions!

I'm going to blog, like regularly. I swear. I figure it is a resolution I just may keep as I've already had 2 (or 3) glasses of wine today, my supper involved copious amounts of bacon and Old Man and I haven't had "the money talk", so I've failed on my other resolutions in the first 24 hours of the day. I have managed to be kinder to my hubby although not to my kiddos. Just ask them, I took away their computers, again. They get them back tomorrow, but we are instituting a "pay to play" system which involves them completing household tasks in order to earn screen time. GASP! I know, I am horribly cruel, aren't I.

I do intend to eat better this year. My oldest sister, Lu, is still in the hospital after a major scare with her pancreas, in truth I'm not sure her pancreas is officially doing what it is suppose to be doing so she is still technically in a major scare. But she is no longer on a vent or dialysis and there is serious talk of her going home after more than a month in the hospital. So she is recovering.
But that does leave me as a 37 year old (yikes! had a birthday last month) with one sister in her late 40s recovering from pancreatitis and one sister who died of pancreatic cancer in her mid 40s. And there is more family history of pancreas issues. Little sister, Jill, and I are thinking of making t-shirts, "Save the Pancrei!" we've decide "pancrei" is the plural of "pancreas" rather than the mundane "pancreases". I will be eating better, maybe even exercising and I've started drinking less. Just a glass of wine here and there, going several weeks in December without a single drink.

My eating better resolution succumbed to the tradition of black eyed peas on New Year's Day. Of course that didn't exactly work out either. I have a lovely casserole recipe that mimics "Hoppin' John" and provides the needed black eyed peas for good luck in the new year. Not that I believe in all that jazz, really I don't I simply make the recipe once a year on New Year's Day, 'cause I like it, I mean you start by frying some bacon then sauteing onion and green peppers in the bacon grease. How could that be a bad thing for anything but your heart, and possibly your pancreas. But when Old Man went to the grocery, they were out of black eyed peas. So I made it with navy beans. It tasted pretty good. I told the kiddos the first time I made this was 2001 for their Grandpa Fred, Old Man's dad. He really liked it. Old Man remarked maybe we should stop making it as Grandpa Fred died in 2001. Interesting point...